10 Hilariously Weird FMyLifes
FMyLife is an English-language blog that serves as “a recollection of everyday anecdotes likely to happen to anyone”. Posts on the site are short, user-submitted stories of unfortunate happenings that begin with “Today” and end with “FML”.
Here is a list of some funny FMyLife’s
Today, I really had to use the airplane lavatory.After I’d finished, the flight attendants continuously sprayed air freshener for two minutes.
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying “Hi,” His response:”I got your best friend pregnant”.
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike.
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me, so I decided to be bitchy about it and say “Did I say you could take a picture?” and he replied with, “No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids.” I turn around, and they were right behind me.
Today, my boyfriend called, asking, before I could even talk, to bring a condom- NOW. I had to smile at this request. I went to his house. A blond girl opened the door. He followed shortly, surprised to see me. I’m Celine. She’s Cecile. Our names are one apart on his cell.
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Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying “I just dropped the b*tch off I’ll be there in a few baby, miss you”. I asked him about it he said “I don’t know what you’re talking about Megan”. My name isn’t Megan. Not even close.
Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother’s vase. I said, “Accidents happen.” She replied, “Yeah, like your birth.”
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells “April fools!!” April Fools was 12 days ago.
Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It’s not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child.
Today, I had to play the role of superman in a production on stage. They had to stuff my underwear because my ‘thing’ wasn’t big enough.
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